My name is …., I am forty year old male currently living in South Africa. I am reasonably educated, having some post high school graduate qualifications and diverse work experience. I have for the most part never lacked for anything during my formative and teenage years. although raised by a single parent I always felt loved and special in a way that only a hard working fiercely protective mother can instill in a child.

Professional modern day opinion will calculate all kinds of factors associated with youngsters turning rebellious, things like the lack of a solid father figure, exposure to hedonistic cultures at a young age or abuse of some kind, well I fit into those categories and many others. it would come as little surprise then that at the age of fifteen I was already a lying alcoholic, stealing and cutting school. I would go clubbing in notorious red light districts almost every night of the week. I would ‘borrow’ a relatives vehicle without their consent. I remember one night in particular, speeding downhill on a major freeway early in the morning, it must of been around three am, drunk and not even sixteen. Next thing the immediate horizon turned blue with a road block under a bridge. One would think that would be the end of the road so to speak but that time like countless others I would talk myself out of a very bad situation.

I soon became involved in crime and ended up a sentenced offender still as a juvenile. Prison turned me angry and violent, perfect gang material as these things go. By the age of thirty I was a formidable player in the Cape Town underworld, drugs and prostitution earning me very large portions of income. It would be common place for competition to disappear and my reputation starting reaching higher echelons of law enforcement.

I had it all, money, cars, luxury houses and more girls on my pay roll and my bed than years in the business. I was not untouchable though and was twice seriously wounded in attempts upon my life. and so turf wars started turning popular haunts into potential death traps. with the stakes an all time high early one Saturday morning members of the police organized crime units and military support units raided one of my buildings arresting a hundred and thirty seven of my people. the net was closing but still I managed to survive. I left the country and from a distance extended my influence to minimize the damage but inevitably returned to South Africa thinking in my arrogance to undermine and beat the system. it was not to be. I ended up in one of the most notorious maximum security prison in the world. Pollsmoor prison in the Western Cape. with gang credentials I quickly staked my claim in that treacherous world.

However my grip on my dominion in the free world was ripped from my grasp by the National Prosecuting Authority and its Assets Forfeiture Arm. Everything I owned was taken, seized never to be seen again. what I could not predict that this was part of God’s plan.

At a young age I came into contact with Church and I learned like most children from my generation about God and His Son Jesus who died on the cross for all of mankind sins, I attended Sunday school and midweek services sometimes. although religious roots never held me in the right place firmly I often prayed to God, especially when things were not going my way. To be honest I never really understood until later years about the process of seeking God’s forgiveness for my sins and asking God to be saved.

When I did, though I tried, more than once to let God into my heart But I failed. one of the reasons I think is because emotionally I was dead, my life’s actions, the things, the brutal things I have done and seen having made me immune to the luxury of feelings of any kind. Maybe at the time I also used it as an excuse to stop trying to change my life even though i had nothing let to lose.

I feared nothing and refused to bow down any way or form because in my minds eye then it meant defeat. My enemies breached my families protective barrier and murdered my father. still I did not seek God but continued on my own will and strength to destroy and conquer anything standing in my way. Of course by now serving a long prison sentence I was adrift, pointless and direction less with a grudge against God because to me at that time it was impossible to understand why my father who was himself a born again Christian, doing wondrous things by helping to build churches across S.A. and changing lives, God would allow him to be taken so violently.

At that time i had three different children of my own from three different woman, one an ex-wife and many family members whom I had deserted, mostly out of fear that one of them may be killed but also through selfishness and greed of not wanting to give any of myself away to anyone.

The years passed and in addition to being angry I also became bitter and even more stubborn. At a time when I least expected, a very special woman came into my life. Seemingly she was embracing the dark path same as me. I needed refuge in so many ways and she gave it to me. soon we consummated our love and made plans for the future but still i did not seek God. My ways continued to inflict pain and twice she delivered my children in my absence.

Then last year a miracle happened, God sent me a messenger and revealed to me that He has always been with me and not once did He leave my side because He has a very special plan for me. For the first time in my adult life, even after having spent half in prison, I am experiencing purpose that makes sense and a kind of peace that I have never felt before. Every moment I seek God’s attention in my life because now that I have tasted the Holy Spirit I dare say I am addicted to it.

Of course my personal relationship with God will with every day continue to grow stronger but I am not naive to believe that forces of darkness will just disappear from my life because I know where I come from, and there the belly of the beast will stay marked by my presence past. However I now am a true believer that Jesus died for my sins also and God the Father raised Him from the dead. God’s word now is my daily bread and I know for all the days of the rest of my life I will have nothing to fear. reprisal for the countless lives I destroyed He has set aside and through me many lives can be restored. Although I am still incarcerated I have faith that God will open the door for me when the time is right but even now I can feel the blessings of God’s hand and Spirit in my life. I have beautiful children and an amazing wife waiting for me and already know that my prayers for a new life have been answered.

I do not profess that I will not make mistakes in the future but my forty year journey to reach God’s forgiveness for my sins was in its way part of His divine plan and with that though there is no doubt in my mind that more than ever God will use me as a spiritual warrior to fight evil.

My testimony here is hardly burdened with detail, in fact I do believe I could fill books with my journey to find God but for now, Today I am just excited to be able to share this short story knowing that it could potentially touch the lives of others needing to see the light.

Every day I continue to learn new things through God’s word and at the risk of sounding critical I need to add in closing – God’s love reaches all and if after four decades of searching for the truth I, a once ruthless wanderer, can find God and be saved…there is absolutely no reason why anyone, no matter how far gone into the darkness they are to call on His name and be saved also.

Letting go of the world and its material vices was hard but now that it is done I see clearly it is the best choice I could ever make. Only now willingly having accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour am I relieved of all the pain and sorrow I pretended was not there. I realize now that not all the material possessions in the world can take the place of God and the love and respect of your family.

Believe and you will be saved. That is God’s promise to me and everyone like me, that was once lost but now has found the way in the light of God’s glory. All praise be unto Him, my Father, now and for evermore.